You’re a What?

It’s been hard for my neighbor to digest the fact that I’m a vegan, as it’s not a lifestyle she’s familiar with. She’s a seventy-five year old Calabrese widow who invites me over for liquor and cookies and spreads apartment building gossip like wildfire.

We’re making strides in understanding each other, although I have more than a sneaking suspicion that she thinks I’m bananas.

One afternoon I brought her a piece of pumpkin bread my sister and I had made during my sister’s visit. The next day I saw her again and we chatted:

Me: Did you like the cake?

Neighbor: Yes, it was good. What was in it?

Me: [lists ingredients]

Neighbor: Can you read Italian?

Me: Sì sì!

Neighbor: Let me give you the recipe for a ciambella.* There’s nothing to it!

Me: [reading the recipe printed on the side of a bag of flour] Hmm, I’m sorry but I don’t eat eggs or cream.

Neighbor: No? But you eat cheese?

Me: No, no cheese.

Neighbor: [surprised look] What do you eat?

Me: I eat a lot! I eat vegetables, fruit, grains…

Neighbor: [interrupting] You don’t eat anything!

Me: I eat a lot!

Neighbor: But you eat meat, right?

Me: No, I don’t eat meat.

Neighbor: [even more surprised look]

Me: I’m following a vegan diet. I have high cholesterol.

Neighbor: [nods knowingly and pats her generous stomach] What’s that mean?

Me: It means no animal products.

This seemed to sink in and I considered the matter settled until the next time I saw her and she gave me her recipe for eggplant stuffed with prosciutto and topped with melted mozzarella. I reminded her about my diet. Another bewildered look, and she asked me if I really didn’t eat prosciutto.

You should have seen her when she found out I didn’t have TV…

 

*a cake similar to pound cake in the shape of a giant doughnut

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5 Responses to You’re a What?

  1. Kay says:

    Love it! When I was (briefly) vegetarian I couldn’t get my neighbours to understand that pork fat added to the soup for flavour was “meat”… (Lazio)

    • Michelle says:

      Hi Kay, I hear you on that.
      I’m meeting a mix of people, including some really understanding ones, but my neighbor’s comments made me laugh so I wrote about it.

  2. Laura says:

    Can I have her stuffed eggplant recipe?!

    • Michelle says:

      Hi Laura, sorry, I don’t have an actual recipe. She just said something about folding the eggplant around the ham in a pan. Maybe it was breaded first.

    • Michelle says:

      Now that I think of it, I think she took slices of eggplant (probably breaded) and put them in a pan with prosciutto and mozzarella inside two slices, like a sandwich (with the eggplant being the “bread”) until the insides melted.